I feel that need for for a finish of some sort.

An end. A How to end

How to end connections

How to end work

How to end judgements

How to end a journeys

How to end questions

How to end predictions

How to end failings

How to end experiences

How to end my learning

How to end a presentation.

How to end to start again.

How to end and tell you what I ended

An earlier Image: I saw a picture of a snowman one day after placement.  The Falling solo snowman. I looked at it and scrutinized its imperfections from many angles. Walking through Glasgow Green from the white house studios, after seeing Natasha’s work in rehearsal for the 9^th time. I walked and thought: That’s me done for the day.  Go home now. I did that workshop. I created that movement. I put that piece together. I still felt lost because I don’t just want to walk someone else’s shoes. I wasn’t on placement to become this other practitioner. I was here to find out what I could take forward from my experiences. I constantly felt the need to do it perfect and do it Natasha’s way, falling into the techniques of how she successfully runs a workshop or directs a group.

It was never my aim to become someone else’s practice.

I asked myself the important question why do I like movement? Why is it important to have a physical practice? I feel the need to move. Remembering that anything can inspire. Letting my creativity speak out in ways planned and those that weren’t. Realising that a physical practice comes from attempting one and not saying may be I’m not that thing because I didn’t learn it that way.

The Image today, the last day: Its Wednesday and it feels strange. I should be in Maryhill right now getting ready for their latest project. Instead I walk up the stone stairs from St Georges Cross Tube stop. I stop and carry another three bags for a person who needed a little less weight to carry for that day. A helping hand. Being aware of my surroundings and doing what needs done at that moment (just a little something I learnt).

It is always hard to finish with projects. Sometimes you need to close the book on one chapter to start another.

MY RULES – To maintain the responsibilities,  not forgetting past experiences, to keep close connects and make your decisions when it is right for you. That way you give all that you can at each moment a new task arises.

Here is a poem we wrote together. I hope one day we can work together again and possibly perform together. 

HANDS PUT TOGETHER

silhouettes in stilettos

joining hand in hand with other similar shadows

turning heads, but looking straight ahead

walking without asking

and asking about nothing

upbeat, download

upstroke, reload

listening to the same rhythm of ‘achy breaky heart’

dancing to the memories before they depart

meanwhile my mind unfolds all the letters i never wrote

my regret retraces all the steps i never walked

my longing trails on tired heels

going frail against the fired wheels

my eyes relax

i let it work its magic

through grey and greyer spectrums

i see life map its tactic

i’m on target

clock strikes any time now

the cannon sounds

i’m sticking around

imprinted on the screen

the wheel

the ground

question marks retreat

from advancing defeat

filled with blank spots, freckled eyes

mutual tides continual

number eleven, all the legs

counting down, adding up

subtracting recurring thoughts

my blind spot

the epicentre

of all things loved, wanted, loathed

all strings tugged, twisted, locked

bounded here with you

Secondly: Yes I have been learning

And No: I haven’t been thinking abut nothing.Technically I have found that if you try to think about nothing then your thinking about ‘nothing’ and therefore thinking about something. If this is already confusing for you then forgive me I may be passing on my stress and worries via blog writing, which is unavoidable for me at the moment.

Firstly: I would just like to list the things that I think or feel when I move or dance: not thinking, my boyfriend, sun, Ollie laughing, Sitting on a hot stone wall, own a giant helicopter, satisfaction, frustration, eating melting ice-cream, pain, heart beat, exhilaration, breath, feeling of importance etc. These have been just a few things I have noticed myself writing after or during class. You could say these things are important or less important. However I am also sure that your categorisation would be different to my own.

Secondly: What is community dance? Coming to the end of my placement I am returning to the one of the most important questions that I seem to be continually asking myself: What is community dance, who is it for and what part do I have to play in it? I never thought it would be way to answer this question. But the experiences and responsibilities that I have had while working with and along side Natasha have been invaluable. I have had the chance to facilitate as well as participate, which has allowed me to see the benefits and set backs of working in so-called ‘community’ environments. At the moment I am trying to figure our what classify something as being a community project. According to Merriam Webster Dictionary a community is a “the people with common interests”. Other definitions use the word “gathering”. Why is it then that we day those who are not trained or practice dance on an-untrained level/ un-professional (what ever this means also) are community dancers? Surely a group of dancers from the Scottish ballet are also community dancers, since they have come together specifically to achieve the same goals and share the same interests.

And No: I don’t know all the answers to why people are so called MOVED to dance. I can only so far speak from my own involvement and interaction with others. It definitely seems more than just the achievement of skill, precision and perfection but more about the personal satisfaction that comes from expression in a form, which doesn’t occupy our lives on a daily basis, yet manages to speak out on personal tones. Better yet, it Like in film scenes. Where the character is unable to speak the words he/she means and the director relies on the dance sequence that takes the character and audience through an emotional journey, revealing insecurities as well as personal.

“Arms stretched, big circles, one leg kick now the other…be sure to touch the top of the ocean, now lets swim as low and tiny as we can”, as she said with a big smiley face. 

Over the last two weeks I have been writing and facilitating workshops at Nursery schools, for ages 3 – 5 years. These workshops have been based on the book My Many Colored Days by Dr.Seuss. The aim for these workshops has been to allow the participants to learn beginner dance skills through stimulation of learning about colours and animals. By doing so they have began to develop and build on their vocabulary of movement. BY having a book as a stimulus it has been helpful for us as workshop writers to develop half an hour sessions on a particular set of activity and them fit skills into this that are important for the participants to try. Every week the participants walk are encouraged to complete a warm up session which is familiar to them. By doing so this allows the participants to demonstrate their knowledge of remembrance skills and also practice movements which they can improve on every week, e.g. balancing on one leg. Y doing a warm up in a circle it also allows the facilitators to keep and eye on the whole group and encourage participants. When working with such a young age group it has made me appreciate how the facilitators role to demonstrate and also to use their facial emotions in relation to the task is important. For example the participants responded well to what they were being asked to do when I told them that what I would demonstrate they could try straight after me, while asking them to sit on the floor in front of me. This clear set of instructions allowed the participants to feel relaxed and watched intently because their knew they would have a turn to show me straight after the demonstrations. Another example of successful communication skill is they way I chose to describe the movements they were being asked to do, using more descriptive phrases such as “move like a bowl of jelly”, or “lift your knees to touch the sky” seemed o be more effective and understandable for the participants. 

“We all seemed to be greatly disturbed that our art form has recently changed: extreme physical accomplishment overshadows true artistic quality.” 

(Mind over Body, the development of the dancer and the role of the teacher, Maria Fay, Black Publishers Ltd, 1997, p.180)

I find this to be deeply worrying. Mainly because it talks directly about dance used in community arts. To me this talks about how in today’s society dance productions are still judged on the execution of dance skills rather than quality. Just because a dancer can perform a triple pirouette or a box turn doesn’t make the piece successful! Surely the process of the work and the delivery of it from the performer need to speak out to the audience and/or be of some worth to the performer. 

dance is not valuable to those who are experiencing it for the first time.

• Is dance only meant to be enjoyed by the elite?
• And if a performance using dance based skills is executed with un-professionals, is it not high quality?
•  Most importantly if dance is used, whether as a professional (i.e. a trained dancer) or a non-professional what is the works purpose? Surely this is the most important issue at hand?

It is my belief that the work is successful if the outcomes are met, disregarding the physical standard and level of dance training.

Any other responses to this? 

Seeing a new work being moulded and tested, existing as a sample of the real finished work makes me realise how early a process starts.  You have to consider the finished product right from the beginning for a chance for it t exist as a piece of work. Production pictures and marketing shots have already been taken to publicise this work to venues across the UK. This is important so that this performance can be put in the diaries of venues for next year, two years from now etc. It is hard to imagine that  you/ Natasha/ me etc., as a performer has the responsibility to keep some sort of ‘feeling’ of what the work will be just from a photograph.

Dear Blog,

What to say when you don’t know what to say!?

I am writing to you because I have been neglectful. I have spent the last few weeks or so thinking about all the things I wanted to get  done rather than celebrating the things that I have learnt or achieved. It is so easy to get caught up by the personal thoughts of ‘the unattainable’ rather working with your situation.

At the moment I am working intensively with Natasha on the project for ’16 Days of Action’. This is an interesting project because we are all women performing in the piece. It seems that we all have information and material to share about situations that make women feel vulnerable and insecure. By performing and contextualizing this information through movement I find it is easier to disconnect the emotional connection you can have with the material. Instead we are using our bodies to create images or promote feelings of vulnerability or terrifying nature of the subjects such as violence, rape etc.

As a participant and acting as a facilitator through the rehearsal as a participant it is easier to build bonds with the other performers. By doing so it has allowed me to communicate my ideas and experience how to work with non-trained dancer’s compared to other such as training with Natasha’s dancer’s in the touring production of ‘The Blank Album’. Having this opportunity to see Natasha’s workshops implemented after discussing what she wishes to do with the group, it is invaluable because it allows me to see how Natasha executes her ideas and how my suggestions may be taken on board. It is useful to see how one facilitator may change or rearrange the way he/she will communicate with the group or ask for material to be created compared to may be the decisions I would make or example. This reminds me of an exercise where we were asked to repeat a series of movements in a figure of eight. After trying this for several times and noticing how complicated this was proving to be I would have stopped and moved onto something else, most probably taken it out of the production. However Natasha continued to repeat this exercise, finally stopping when it seemed about ok. Each session she would make us repeat the sequence. Now this is a manageable and enjoyable part of the production that reinforces previous material in the show. This has proven to me that trial and error is sometime unavoidable but you have to keep pushing through if you have a vision that you are positive will make sense for the performance. Only by trying you will be able to see results! 

Over the last two weeks we have used material that have been created through warm ups and routine. His has then been placed into more narrative structures that allow individuals to share their own devised material with the audience through spatial decisions. By see that material can be created right from the start of a rehearsal process it has made me appreciate how ANYTHING can become something in a performance. Also when working with individuals who are less experienced with how material can be created or performed for an audience it is important to make them feel secure and comfortable with the work. Natasha has achieved this by teaching smaller versions of a larger routine right from the start. I have also notice that Natasha will structure her workshops in a safe and familiar environment, highlighting a rehearsal routine so that the participants walk into the room, knowing what will be expected of them. For example participants are asked to stand in a circle as quickly as , while music is playing but most importantly Natasha will already be encouraging the group to move with her and copy her movements.  

While working on this project it has become more and more aware about how working with Natasha is a social network for this group. This is a group of people who are coming together because they have something they would like to share and dance/ e is an appropriate way for them to do this. It is a time where crèche is open, women are carefree, we are allowed to express our feelings, we are allowed to focus on something new, we can create our own material or work with others, we can share tea and fruit, chat, laugh and most importantly do something together – DANCE. When else have we had the excuse today to just get up dance? In the warm room in Maryhill us 16 girls have a need and right to dance. On the 10^th December we will share with others the material we have e to use that will challenge women’s rights.

I’m sorry again blog! Mostly I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you what has been going on in my head sooner. I often resort to dancing in my room alone in front of my laptop rather than my fingers on the keys.

 What to say when you don’t know what to say – There turns out to be quiet a lot!

Love Steph xxx